I'm not a hero, I'm an idiot with a costume and an absence of self-respect. The heroes, my friends, are YOU. If you could give a family about to lose a child a memory of their fleeting joy- a respite in their suffering- and a network to fall back on in the darkest subsequent hours- then I would argue that you're more of a hero than anyone who puts underpants outside their trousers.
That's probably true regardless.
This year, the following will be the reward tiers:
At $750 I will dress as Harambe the Gorilla for the ride in to work and remain in costume for the duration of the work day.
At $1,000 I will make a speech to the train carriage, using metaphors about Harambe's own heroism when a child falls into "the gorilla enclosure of your heart".
At $1,500 I will do Garth's dance from Wayne's World to the tune of Foxy Lady, as this is a traditional gorilla mating ritual and the song of Harambe's people.
At $2,000 AS A STRETCH GOAL I will bring a guitar, write a song about bananas, and busk as Harambe somewhere.
Join me today and know that I love you.